I was reading through the blog posts I kept during Milyn's first year yesterday. I was so good at writing at least one post a month with a comparison picture of her next to her teddy bear. It was fun to see her changing and growing, but it was almost too much for me. I long for that normalcy, and I feel like I am missing out on so much with Maks because I only get to see him for a few hours every day. I can't even take a picture of him next to a stuffed animal because he can't have anything in the incubator with him from "the outside world." Everyone in the NICU, nurses, doctors, and therapists, are doing a fabulous job. I don't have complaints about them, I just want normalcy!
I have all these things I should be doing as a new mom; I should be eating, sleeping, and breathing baby right now. Instead, I have all this "energy" for things I should be doing and no baby to put the energy into. I am sure anyone who has had a baby in the NICU can relate to this; to not knowing what to do with these motherly instincts that can't currently be satisfied. It is very unnerving.
Maks is having another good day. He is tolerating the small amount of breast milk well, but they want to wait to increase it to give his gut more time to adjust. That is totally okay with me. I say give him time and go slowly! His belly is still soft today, and the MD said his bowel sounds are great. No new meds, and no changes to his meds. He looks great, and he is getting so big. One of the night nurses hasn't had him for a little over a week, and when I talked to her last night, she was just amazed at how much he has grown and changed. He really is doing well. Thanks for all of the prayers!
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I know excatly how you feel, having a baby in NICU is so difficult. The whole "new baby" experience is gone. I'm so sorry this happened to you guys but know The Lord is watching and he knew you guys could handle this and give little Maks the best chance. Take breaks and try to get out with people. Love you so much
ReplyDeleteHang in there Shalee. It is all for a wonderful cause and will be worth every second of anguish. I put his name in the Temple every week and our family prays for him and the rest of you as well.
ReplyDelete((HUGS)) The thing I've held onto when things haven't been "normal" or gone as I'd hoped in life is that it was a crash course in learning. There were always growing pains, but truly when my testimony grew the most and probably in ways that couldn't have happened otherwise. I can't imagine what you guys are going through, but we're certainly praying hard for all of you and know that prayers are answered and miracles happen!
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